The key to confidence lies in how we see ourselves. If we see ourselves as not worthy, how can we be confident? In order to be confident we must understand and accept who we are and what has happened to us and our experiences. My partner once said to me – In order to be the success that you can be, you need to sort out your mindset. No truer words have been spoken. If there´s shit going on in your head, and you don´t feel confident, or you doubt your abilities there is no way that you will be able to act or feel confident.
I mentioned in another post that we are not born confident. In some respects we are all born equal in our talents. So no one person is actually born with this gene of self confidence. It is something that everyone learns. We have confidence or lack of because of our experiences, our upbring and our peers.
Rule number – Reflect and learn
Reflect on your experiences. Decide that what has happened in the past is now past and can not be changed. The only thing you can do is to understand and learn from what has happened. Don´t beat yourself up over what has happened, it will get you nowhere.
Rule number two – Stop making excuses
Decide to make a new start today and to stop making excuses. Our inner critic can quickly come out to play when we want to make a decision that will help us. Say “shut the fuck up” to your inner critic. Don´t except it´s ideas, don´t allow yourself to except excuses either. Today, this moment, is a new beginning for you, run with it.
Rule number three – Try new things
Move out of your comfort zone. Many people feel they can´t do things, because they have not tried. Don´t be afraid of new experiences. By experiencing something new we get feedback, by receiving feedback we can then make changes, by making changes we can grow. A new experience is different for everyone. Heck, let me tell you that sometimes I am not the most confident person in the world when I have to do something new. Never did I think I would fly half way around the world to do technical training in Spanish. I know my Spanish is not perfect, I still make mistakes, but I am confident that I am a world class trainer, and know this from feedback. It´s something that I have within me that allows me to do what I do. But boy did it take some guts to leave my country, my family, my partner to move to another country and start to build a new life.
When you try something new it´s going to be a tough experience (some of the time!) but you will feel better. Like weight training, the more you do something the better you get at it. The hardest part of anything is taking the first step. Once you have taken that first step it gets easier.
Rule four – Everything is possible
We are human beings. We are here to be. We can do what ever we put our mind to. If you want it bad enough you will do everything you can to succeed. When talking about goal setting I always say – If they Why is strong enough you will find the how. You have to have a reason to do things. For me I do everything for my little girl, she inspires me to keep on truckin´when things get bad.
Rule five – things take time
The truth is we can achieve what we desire but it takes time. For example, I am sure I could run a full marathon. However, right now I am not fit enough. I need to train. So if I try to run it today, I will be disappointed. My self confidence may go down as I think I am unfit etc etc. However if I train, I could be ready in a year or two. What a feeling crossing that finishing line!
I also believe that things take time to happen and they happen when the time is right. Make the right plans, do what you need to do and you will see the results when the time is right. You´ll be amazed how things all seem to fall into place when the time is right.
Well that´s it for another post. Remember to sign up below to be notified of new posts, interesting news, and how great life can be!
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igor Griffiths says
Well hello Richard, having just finished a book called The Happiness Advantage, your post comes at just the right time.
I agree with almost all of this post except the point of not being born confident. I believe we are all born confident and it is only through the misguided protection of those around us that self limiting beliefs are formed.
However as you point out that is not the end of the story.
We all have the ability to tear down these walls and rediscover that inner courage to just give whatever crosses our mind a go and deal with the outcome when it happens but that can only occur when we realize we have that power.
igor
Richard Butler says
Thanks Igor, and yes indeed, perhaps we are all born confident, or born in a state of balance, and that balance is interrupted
Richard
Dan Tredo says
Hey Richard,
Great post on confidence. I’m really keen on this stuff as I’ve written a lot about fear and confidence lately. What really speaks to me is your Rule 5 – “things take time”. This is so critical to success, understanding that small steps taken consistently over ‘time’ is what yields the best results. Most people are steeped in what I call the ‘quantum leap’ mentality. They want massive progress and change right now. They want everything, and they want it now. When it doesn’t happen that way, they quickly get discouraged and quit. Better to push your goals out a bit, and chunk things down into smaller steps. And then move consistently, plodding along toward your goal. Thats exactly why I think P2S is brilliant. Anyway, I really enjoyed this post. Stop by mine some time if you get the chance.
Thanks!
Dan Tredo
Nigel Griffiths says
Nice one Richard, I can relate to all 5…the most important one that many people seem to miss out, is that things do indeed take time! In that case people have to take heed from quotes like “every big journey starts with a small step” etc…..& to be fair, anything that is worth having/doing will indeed take time…..I am off now to read some more on your blog, I love this sort of stuff!!!
Cheers
Nigel
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